Chocolate Milk Shake

3/4 cup plain light soy milk
1/4 cup melted dark chocolate
3 scoops Soy Delicious Vanilla Ice Cream

1. Melt the chocolate on warm in a fondue pot. Cool, but make sure it is not too warm that when combined with ice cream with ball up.
2. In a blender, place milk and chocolate. Cover and blend on high speed 2 seconds.
3. Add the ice cream, cover and blend on low speed about 5 seconds. Serve immediately.

Yeah...that's right. Chocolate. Ice Cream. Shake. Are you all going to judge me now. As I write this blog, stomach throbbing, lips coated in dried Chocolate, I can only harken back to what just transpired.
The cook presented the Betty recipe for chocolate shakes a couple of weeks ago. Needless to say, the idea excited me greatly. The shake got within my grasp when the cook came home from grocery shopping and unveiled all the individual ingredients necessary to concoct the liquid dessert. Dark chocolate morsels ( what an interesting variation), fresh milk, and vanilla ice cream. Heaven in a glass.
Tonight was the night the dream became a reality. About an hour after an early dinner, the cook went to the kitchen, took out the chocolate, milk and the blender. She then took another appliance out. What could it possibly be? All she has to do is melt the chocolate over stove top, and blend the acoutrama together.
I walked to the kitchen to accompany my beauty, and I uncovered the mystery: A fondue pot.
Crap. Fondue. This will not end well. If there is any melted goodness left at the bottom of the pot, a simple glass of milkshake will not suffice. I have seen this sketch before...numerous times. And every ending is the same, a bloated, sore stomach and the unison shaking of our heads while asking, "how did we let this happen again."
As some may know already, we have created a name for the ulterior personality that is extracted from the cook upon our melted chocolate encounters: "Fondue" Ashley.
She is more vicious than a tornado tearing through a trailer park...she has a more one-tract mind than an adolescent boy...she is more focused than a feline in heat. She watches over the chocolate as it melts, she smells it as it's richness is released, and she sees the flowing lava confectionery caking the bottom of the pan.
And then she heads straight for the fruit tray, and proceeds to dip every available piece of fruit. Next she jets to the refrigerator to pillage anything in it's gorge that could be good dipped. And finally, the pantry, oh the humanity. Pretzels, chips, dehydrated fruit, blue corn tortillas, and nuts. Almonds, pistachios, cashews, walnuts...nuts from all over the world end up in the same place...the bottom of a warm vat of pure decadent sugar.
Tonight was no exception. The shake was amazing, and it lasted all of a minute. Soon after, as the cook was still working on her drink, I started for the bananas.
I barely took the time to peel until it was thrown in the bath and extracted in excitement. Soooo good. I took a piece over to the cook, and she ate it without hesitation. Fondue Ashley was suddenly aroused.
She finished her shake soon after, and reached for some grapes. Delicious. Next, ranier cherries. Obviously outstanding. Finally, watermelon? Sounded funky, and tasted funkier.
The pantry was raided. Fondue Ashley ripped open a bag of dried mangos. Too much sweetness. Needs some salty counterbalance. Blue corn tortillas, a revelation. No pretzels, our loss...we actually wished we had a chocolate-dipped nut or fruit item so that we could double dip it in the fresh batch of chocolate...that is when you know you have a problem.
Finally, it was time to put a stop to the madness. I washed out the pot and the blender, and threw the morsels as deep as I could in the pantry. The only way we will not be motivated to duplicate our actions is if we cannot see our addiction staring us in the face everytime we pick through the pantry.
So here we are, laying somberly on our backs, prodding our protruding bellies. Chocolate on our faces, chocolate on the counters, chocolate in the sink, and chocolate fresh on our minds.

Carrot Cake

Cake:
1/4 cup cinnamon applesauce (unsweetened)
1 tsp. vanilla extract (buy PURE...the imitations have corn syrup)
1/2 cup Earth Balance margarine, softened
1 tsp Salt
1 1/2 tsp baking powder
2 tsp cinamon
1 1/4 cup whole wheat flour
1/4 cup plain light soy milk
1 cup finely grated carrots
1 cup walnuts, chopped

Frosting:
1 8oz container Tofutti cream cheese or Fat Free Cream cheese
1/4 cup Earth Balance margarine, softened
3 teaspoons soy milk
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
4 cups powdered sugar

For the cake:
1. Preheat oven to 325
2. Greese and flour two 8 inch cake pans. Combine the first 9 ingredients, mixing well.
3. Add the carrots and the walnuts. Pour the batter into the pan, spreading evenly.
4. Bake for about 40-45 minutes or until a toothpick comes out clean. Cool before frosting.
5. Frost top and sides of first layer. Place second layer on top, then frost top and sides. Keep refrigerated.

For the frosting:
1. In a medium bowl, beat cream cheese, margarine, milk and vanilla with electric mixer on low speed until smooth.
2. Gradually beat in powdered sugar, 1 cup at a time, on low speed until smooth and spreadable.

Spinach and Artichoke Quiche

1 Wholly Wholesome Whole Wheat pie crust
1/3 cup onion, chopped
1/4 bag frozen artichoke hearts, thawed
1 package Lite Silken tofu, blended
1 1/4 cup egg whites
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon pepper
1/8 teaspoon cayenne
1/2 cup shredded swiss cheese (you can choose your cheese, but it should be a strong cheese)
1/2 cup fresh spinach

1. Preheat over to 350.
2. Sprinkle onion, artichoke hearts, spinach, and cheese in pie crust.
3. In a large bowl whisk tofu, egg whites, salt, pepper, and cayenne. Pour into pie crust.
4. Bake 45 to 50 minutes or until knife inserted in center comes out clean. Let stand 10 minutes before serving.
Makes 6 servings. 385 calories each.

As the writer and the cook were eating the quiche, we stopped to appreciate a very momentous occasion...
What is that noise...silence. A buzzing, wonderful silence.
Why was silence a golden token on this evening? What circumstance or being could make nothingness so fulfilling?
Tyler.
My little nephew. My baby - first time ever, beautiful and noisy - nephew.
He was sucking his binky, staring to outer space, while gently being swung to-and-fro by my carefully rocking foot.
It was the cook and writer's first solo babysitting mission, and after a couple of hours we had come to enjoy what I am sure my sister and the hubby had come to cherish over the five weeks of Ty's existence: silence!
For such a little thing, for such a delicate rose, Tyler can make a whole lot of noise. And as I also found out, when walking him around the downstairs, trying to calm him after he awoke from our stroll around the neighborhood, he is in the words on John Mayer, "stronger than his body." What started as an innocuous "baby resting in your arms like a loaf of bread" position became a "hold on to the little thing for dear life as he pushes and squirms out of your arms" struggle.
The cook seemed to execute the "shoosh" technique better than me, as my "shoosh" was a more of a suggestion than a command, and the lack of authority made the little guy feel more confident about raising his cry to a scream.
But there we were, consuming my beautiful cook's quiche without even a whimper. Before this delightful epilogue was Tyler's dinner.
Nothing gets me hungry for a meal like holding a baby bottle stocked with my sister's breast milk. I laid Ty on my arm, and shoved the nipple into his narrow mouth. After a few seconds, he latched on and started sucking away...this is easy enough.
Not so fast. After a little while, but with plenty of sister left in the bottle, Ty stopped sucking. In a way only babies can achieve, he puckered his lips and squinted his eyes to portray the most uncomfortable look I have ever seen.
"What is this," I asked the cook. "He looks like he is playing scrabble with George Bush."
"He needs to be burped," the cook replied.
Hmmm. My first burping. There was a little apprehension, but also some excitement. Another milestone about to be surpassed. I slowly lifted Ty's head, and placed his body against my shoulder, and started to gently tap his back. Nothing.
The cook observed this nonsense, stormed over to my tender caress, pulled my hand away, and briskly thumped Tyler's back until he burped loudly.
"That is how you do it," she confirmed.
I put Ty back down in feeding position, and shoved the nipple back into his awaiting mouth. As he ate faster, some of the milk started to discard from his mouth and run down his cheek. Seeing as though I had one hand supporting his head and the other holding the bottle, there was NO WAY I could change his position and pat the excess off his face without some help.
I asked the cook to come hither. As she leaned over to wipe the milk off his little cheek, she got just close enough that I could sneak in for a kiss. Just as a snake awaits ever patiently for his prey to enter striking distance, I knew I would only get one thrust. Got her!
I think Tyler caught on to my game, because he kept drooling, I kept calling, the cook kept helping, and I kept kissing. Our first conquest together!
The next partnership came via the continuous burping. Ty would eat, stop, look constipated, and wait to be burped. I did the burping until the cook came in and whisked Ty away.
"I've got this," she assured.
The cook picked him up, walked him to the kitchen while patting his back, until splash! Ty vomited more spit-up than the possessed character in "The Exorcist." The cook's neckline and shoulder were painted with mommy's regurgitated breast milk.
All I could think was, "he must have waited to do that on her intentionally." Yes, a true bond was certainly in the making.
Previous to the spit-up and feeding was a great dance session. I don't know if any of you faithful readers remember the Youtube video of the baby dancing his butt-off to Beyonce's "All the Single Ladies," but it was hilarious, and if you have not yet watched, please do. Ty was trying his best to match the virile dancer move-for-move.
"So I was afraid, I was petrified, living here without you by my side..."started blaring from the radio. The cook and writer thought it might be entertaining to groove for the little guy, so we busted out our best awkward arm pumps and leg kicks. Instead of thinking we were epileptic, Ty seemed to enjoy the suddenness of our movements, and started to mimic them in his baby ways.
A little arm punch here, and leg twitch there...eyes wide open, glowing like the sun. He could not have been more curious. He will one day learn that there is nothing wondrous about bad dancing, but I did not want to spoil his youthful enthusiasm.
So there we were, a night full of memories, a kitchen with three instead of two, and a wonderful silence. Just two lovers, their beautiful nephew, quietly sucking on his binky, surely spoiling us through the transcendence of the moment.
Soon he would lose his mouth toy, and shout and cry, and we would pick him up, and carry him and cradle him and shush him and love him the way he requires. And despite the toil, we would be happy for every second we could spend with Ty.

Berry Smoothie

1 package Ligh Silken Tofu
2 cups straberries, cleaned with stems removed
1/4 cup blueberries
1 mango, sliced
1 cup plain light soy milk (can do Vanilla if you prefer)

1. Place all ingredients in a blender and blend until the consistency is smoothe. Pour in a glass to serve.
Makes 2 smoothies. 183 calories each.
*Mornings are busy, so make this the night before and keep refrigerated in blender pitcher.

Breadsticks

2 1/2 cups whole wheat flour
2 tablespoons chopped fresh rosemary
1 tablespoon organic cane sugar
1 teaspoon salt
2 1/4 teaspoons dry yeast
1 cup very warm water
1/4 cup grated parmesean cheese

1. In large bowl, mix 1 cup of the flour, rosemary, sugar, salt and yeast. Add very warm water. Beat with electric mixer on medium speed for 3 minutes, scraping bowl frequently. Stir in enough of the remaining flour until dough is soft and leaves sides of bowl.
2. Place dough on lightly floured surface. Knead 5-8 minutes or until dough is smooth and springy. Spray large bowl with cooking spray (pump). Place dough in bowl, turning to grease all sides. Cover bowl loosely with plastic wrap and let rise in warm place about 30 minutes or until dough has almost doubled in size. Dough is ready if indentation remains when touched.
3. Spray 2 cookie with cooking spray (pump); sprinkle with cornmeal. Divide dough into 12 equal parts. Roll and shape each part into a 12 inch rope. Place 1/2 inch apart on cookie sheet. Sprinkle with grated parmesan cheese.
4. Cover losely with plastic wrap and let rise in warm place about 20 minutes or until they have doubled in size. Heat oven to 425.
5. Bake 10 to 12 minutes or until golden brown.
Makes 12 breadsticks. 80 calories each.

I served the breadsticks with Shiratake Tofu noodles covered in marinera sauce, fresh chopped parsly, and a tablespoon of grated parmesan cheese.

Spicy "Chick'n" in Peanut Sauce

4 Quorn Naked Chik'n cutlets
1 large onion, chopped
1 14.5 oz can diced tomatoes, undrained
1 14.5 oz cam crushed tomatoes, undrained
1 can green chiles
1 tablespoon honey
1 1/2 teaspoons ground cumin
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/4 creamy non processed unsalted peanut butter

1. In slow cooker, combine all ingredients other than cutlets and mix with a large spoon. Fully submerge cutlets into the sauce.
2. Cover and cook on low heat for 6 to 8 hours.
3. Serve topped with chopped fresh cilantro on top of Shiratake tofu noodles (only 40 calories for the entire bag) or couscous.



Couple's Retreat is a movie about a married couple looking to reconnect. Through the grind of the every day, they have lost a little of the spark that attracted them to each other in the first place.
The only obvious solution is to jet-set to the Caribbean for a couple's therapy vacation. The writer would love to expound more on the movie, but cannot because I never actually seen it. The cook watched it on the way to a sales conference and said it sucked. Usually I try to avoid watching movies that have been characterized by the word used to describe the action given to a loli-pop. Thus, I think that is what it was about.
Regardless, the cook and the writer embarked on an activity much more suited for couple's therapy, canoeing.
And we did not escape the boundaries of the country for our quest. We traveled to Grove City, or as most 614's would call it, "Grovetucky." Not quite the setting of endless white beaches and swaying palm trees. And the river we navigated was called "Big Darby," or as it should have been called, "The Big Dirty," with water the color of Nesquick, and "Deliverance" style homes lining the banks on either side. We especially liked the creativeness of a planter made from a tub of kitty litter. Not quite the scene of aqua blue water extending to the sun kissed horizon.
See we did it right. Any communication breakdown or lost pilot light could be sparked by the beauty of paradise. We were in the middle of a smelly, overly pH filled river, and surrounded by people living much farther away than the 30 mile drive would leave you to believe.
The first thing that made this a therapy session was the new push for a "family friendly" experience. The writer, cook, and our sister's and their husband's filled up three coolers worth of beer and liquor. We were going on a 6 mile path, and wanted to make sure to have a drink for every mile. Well before we could get a boat, we were audited by a real buzz kill of a man. After a thorough analysis, it was decided that we could only bring about 2/3 of the alcohol we has originally allocated.
The first lesson: sacrifice. Give up a drink or two so that everyone could enjoy the trek equally.
After we got past killjoy, we entered our canoes in couples and began to row. Two paddles left, two paddles right, or one person would paddle left and the other right, at the same time, using the same force to guide the boat straight.
Well, the writer is not known for my finesse, and I tried to muscle us down the river. At times it worked ok, but every time we hit a tricky turn or a tiny rapid, we ended up spinning backward.
The cook is beautiful and talented and great company, but patient she is not! And communicative I am not. It was the cause of tense moments and a lot of backpedaling. I was exerting more effort fixing my mistakes than I was propelling us forward to our goal. At one point as we were going down a trickily rapid and towards a leaning tree, I steered us in the wrong direction and the cook had to "matrix" her way under the tree while keeping the boat afloat. That is when I knew we needed another learning.
Lesson two: communication.
This has always been hard for me, but I knew the only way to make this trip enjoyable and to make us feel accomplished was to communicate each row. Left, left, right, right, being in the back I learned when to take control and also when to give up control and let the cook take the reigns.
I would tell her exactly my plan for navigating a tight path, and she would do the same for me. It gave us the opportunity to adjust our individual strategy to meet our team goal.
But we still had trouble keeping in control during the more challenging segments of the tour. That is, until we encountered our third subject.
Lesson three: anticipation.
When running into a "current", we were going hard with the current, controlling through the rush but always spinning out soon after. It was not until we started to anticipate what would happen if we kept rowing the same direction, and instead of taking one more stroke on that side, switching over to the other for a counter stoke that would keep our momentum balanced forward.
It felt good to charge ahead, knowing we were working as a team and strengthening the belief in our relationship. It was also nice to be able to share our final session.
Lesson four: appreciation.
The writer and cook realized our appreciation for being upright when we looked back after hearing some commotion and seeing my sister and the husband submerged in the chocolate river.
Somehow they lost control...they did not communicate, anticipate, and I especially do not think they could appreciate the muddy dip. They did sacrifice however, as they both took a Big Darby bath. (Serves the sister right for relieving herself in the river before the crash site. You know, your pee travels downstream too!)
Well, after three hours of rowing and roasting in the sun, we finished our learned venture down the might Darby.
On the bus trip back to our starting point, the writer started thinking about the lesson's of the trip and and how they relate to relationships.
We sacrificed some of our beer for the trip, and in some ways, sacrifice in a relationship can be just as hard, but also just as important as staying sober while traveling down a body of water. You do not always get your way, but you always do get to keep your lover by your side.
We communicated to keep our boat forward during our river obstacles, much like it is important to always be open and honest to keep your relationship moving forward under tenuous circumstances.
We anticipated how the boat would react to our movements before it happened, and there is nothing more important than anticipating the needs of a lover. Wink!
And finally, we appreciated being able to work through problems to find solutions together. And there is nothing better than appreciating the love, sacrifice, and communication of a good relationship.
It made me happy to be my cook's writer, and to be surrounded by people I can truly love.

Vegetables with Peanut Sauce

1 bag brocoli and cauliflower mix
1 small head read cabbage, chopped into 1 inch pieces
1 package Teriyaki smoked tofu, cubed
1/2 cup creamy organic unsalted Trader Joe's peanut butter
1 1/2 cup hot water
2 cloves garlic, finely miced
1 tablespoon low sodium soy sauce
1/2 teaspoon cumin
1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper
1/2 teaspoon curry powder
1 teaspoon fresh lemon juice

1. In a food processor, blend peanut butter, hot water, garlic, soy sauce, cumin, cayenne, curry powder, and melon juice together to form a smooth paste. Cover and set aside for seveal hours.
2. Place brocoli and cauliflower mix in electric steamer with red cabbage. Steam for 10 minutes or until cooked through, but still firm.
3. In a non stick skillet, over medium heat, cook the tofu turning to crisp all sides of cubes.
4. Place vegetables and tofu in a bowl. Top with 2 tablespoons of peanut sauce. Serve with chopsticks.
455 calories each serving.

Three-Bean Casserole

1/2 package Trader Joe's Soy Chorizo, taken out of casing
1 stalk celery, chopped (1/2 cup)
1/2 medium onion, chopped (1/4 cup)
1 clove garlic, finely chopped
1 can vegetarian baked beans (check for corn syrup!)
1 can butter beans or kidney beans, drained
4 oz organic tomato sauce
1/2 tablespoon ground mustard
1/2 tablespoon white/cider vinegar
1/4 teaspoon red pepper sauce

1. Heat oven to 400.
2. In medium skillet, cook chorizo, celery, onion, and garlic over medium heat 5 to 7 minutes, stirring occasionaly, until vegetables are cooked.
3. Mix chorizo mixture and remaining ingredients in ungreased caserole dish. Bake uncovered about 20-25 minutes, until hot and bubbly.
Makes 4 servings. 298 calories each.

I served with the writer's favorite cornbread recipe...I'll leave it up to him to tell you the "cornbread" story.

By Now You Should Know What Tuesday is...

It's PIZZA NIGHT!!!!

Tonight I made a Fresh Mozzarella and Tomato Pizza. I won't go into great detail about this recipe because it is very basic. However, the combination of fresh mozzarella, sliced Roma tomatoes, and freshly picked basil from the patio never gets old. Usually on pizza night I serve a salad as well. Tonight, I have to admit that I had a craving for seaweed salad from Whole Foods, so I mixed Italian cuisine with Japanese cuisine. As for the writer, well, he doesn't enjoy the salads on pizza night anyway. I think he eats them just to keep me and my nagging tendencies at bay. So, his salad bowl consisted of spinach, the remaining Roma tomato slices, shredded mozzarella cheese, and almond slivers (yea you caught me...cleaning out the pantry as usual).

The cook is right...
The writer appreciaties everything I get from my beautiful woman, but as I have made perfectly clear, the salad is always an afterthought.
The pizza, however, was another raging success.
The topper, besides the salty cheese, crispy crust, and fresh tomatos, was the hand- picked Basil.
If you know the cook, you will know that her talents for culinary creation to not apply to her experiences with growing plants, flowers, or for this purpose, herbs.
She has claimed more lives than Charles Manson, and at times, I had the feeling she should be sentenced to the same barred fate.
The cook receives a plant for her birthday...dead before a week into her new year. A flower for a romantic occasion, I hope you like your rose petals crispier than your pizza crust! And then there was the basil.
After completing the heavy lifting of our move to our first home, and buyoed by the excitement and adventure of first-time homeownership, the cook went shopping and felt like tackling a difficult project. She picked a tiny Cleveland Browns-orange pot that already had Basil seeds planted deep in it's soil, and decided she would parent the infant herb.
At first, going through the collection of horror stories and crime scene photos from earlier experiences, I was cynical as she gently watered the soil and placed it on the window sill in our kitchen.
If you have ever been to our house, you would know that during the day the kitchen gets really bright. There are two windows side-by-side, nine foot white ceilings, and earthy yellow walls that reflect the retrieved sunlight like a room of mirrors.
It is the equivilent of our poor new plant being held under the spotlight of a coroner's investigation room, being prodded for clues during it's unenviable autopsy.
But what seemed to be a sure fate on the last page of the classifieds, started tunring out to be a lively, sprouting herb.
And the longer she watered, the more powerful it's presence. And the more sun it consumed, the stronger it grew and greened. Soon, it had outgrown it's tiny pot, and needed to be replanted into a full-sized vessel.
She even adapted to our varmin circumstances. New Albany was build out of farm land, and if you travel about five miles South, East, or North, you will hit corn and soy with some woods. It has become obvious that the rabbits in this area hump as their name would imply, and the little guys and gals are not shy about creeping to your backyard for a bite.
Hearing stories of neighborhood friend's struggles with the humpers, and seeing one persistent fellow in our yard every night, the cook knew she had to out smart the critter. Every night, before bed, the cook or writer go out and protect her investment by placing the Basil on top of our two-chair bistro. It might not sound like a big deal, but hey, this is our first shot at this home stuff, and every ant hill is a mountain, and every ant hill must be destroyed!
Anyways, the Basil is beautiful, and tonight, it was time to cash in a small part of the cook's profit. Buy low, sell high in investment lingo, or in gardening theory, buy seeds, and clip when they grow into leaves. (That is mine, don't steal it...my mom used to say, "Don't piss on my boots and tell me it's raining," and I thought it was rediculous. But this afternoon I was listening to the radio, and the host said the phrase verbatim. I was furious, he clearly took that from my mom. How does my know my mom? Well, I just don't want to be listening to the radio and hearing my saying, got it?)
There really is nothing like fresh herb. It tasted outstanding and the cook's maternal love from seed to leaf shined though. Much like the sun reflecting from every angle into our kitchen like the inside of a diamond, the flavors burst into every taste bud.

Easy Grilled Fish and Grilled Artichokes

1 lb Halibut
Kosher salt to taste
freshly ground pepper to taste
2 tablespoons olive oil

1. Brush grill rack with vegetable oil. Heat grill for medium heat.
2. Sprinkle both sides of fish with salt and pepper. Brush oil on both sides.
3. Grill for 10 minutes on medium heat. Serve with a slice of lemon, if desired.

2 medium artichokes
1 tablespoon olive oil
Kosher salt to taste
Freshly ground pepper to taste

1. Trim prickly parts of leaves off using kitchen shearers. Place artichokes in an electric steamer for 35 minutes (if you don't have an electric steamer, I HIGHLY suggest getting one. They make cooking veggies easy!!).
2. Once artichokes have cooled, slice down the middle. Remove the chokes (hairy looking stuff) from the artichokes. Drizzle oil on inside and outside of artichoke halves. Sprinkle with salt and pepper.
3. Place artichokes on grill over medium heat for 3-4 minutes a side.

I served these with Sun dried tomato Aioli which consisted of Sun dried tomato dip mix (read packages!!) and Nayonaise. The leftover Aioli also serves as a great sandwich spread (or so I am told by the writer).

Mocha Hazelnut Latte Bark

Peanut Butter Cookies

3/4 cup organic cane sugar
1/2 cup packed brown sugar
1 cup unsalted Trader Joe's creamy peanut butter
1/2 cup soy margarine
1 1/2 cups whole wheat flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 cup soy milk
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

1. Heat oven to 350.
2. In a medium bowl, mix flour, baking soda, salt, and baking powder.
3. In a large bowl, cream margarine and peanut butter with an electric mixer. Add sugars, blend. Add soy milk and vanilla extract, blend.
4. Gradually add in flour mixture keeping the electric mixer on medium.
5. Roll dough into 1 inch balls and place on an ungreased baking sheet evenly spaced out. Press each ball down with fork and repeat in the other direction to give crisscross pattern.
6. Bake 10-12 minutes.
Makes 32 cookies. 120 calories per cookie.

Tempeh Stir-Fry with Yogurt Peanut Sauce

For this one you will have to view a Betty book (p.509) as it was already vegetarian and I only made minor adjustments. For the peanut butter I used Trader Joe's organic unsalted, which is not processed like the "stuff" (I'll be polite) that is found in a jar of Jiffy. Also, where it calls for Vanilla yogurt I used O'Soy Vanilla. These two adjustments took the calorie count from 345 per serving to 253 per serving, but most importantly no processed "stuff."

As the writer stares at my sterile computer screen, I grab for the closet bottle of hard liquor: Glenlivet 12. That will do the trick.
Much like George Costanza's father in "Seinfeld," only a good bottle of scotch could help erase the post-traumatic stress from last night.
For those of you that are not "Seinfeld" fans, in an episode of the hit sitcom, it was revealed that Mr. Costanza used to cook for the troops during the Korean War. He was a good cook, a revered cook, and unfortunately, an overconfident cook. (Unlike my modest cook).
As the story goes, one day he received a shipment of meat that was past it's prime. Confident that he could make lemons into lemonade, he decided to keep the inferior product and to mask it's funk with a liberal dose of herbs and spices.
Thinking he found a cure, he proudly fed the stank to all his rank. But one by one, the men keeled over, sick to their stomach's, vomiting profusely, food exiting from every orifice. Over and over they fell, screaming his name in horror.
It was clearly a memory he had to that modern day not forgotten, and the only way to drown his guilt was to drown some scotch in the process.
It was post-traumatic stress reinvented, and not far from our experience last night with the little one. Tyler.
The cook, much like Mr. Costanza, confidently strided into my parent's house last night with a dutch oven (hehe) filled with Black Bean Soup and hand-made rolls.
The writer's parents were happy to receive her gift, but were preoccupied with the little lover. For all of my past angst, Tyler is actually a very well behaved baby.
Eat...poop...eat...burp...eat...sleep...poop...sleep...
It was pretty consistent and pretty controlled, but last night was our Korean War, and the opposition was Ty.
I could tell from the moment we walked in that something was different. A baby that from my experiences was very peaceful, seemed to be a little more fussy than past visitations.
After being fed a majority of his bottle, the cook, writer and parents sat for our feast, positioning Ty right next to me so he could feel inclusive and I could reach over and sway him at any sign of discomfort. Well, discomfort seemed more plentiful than the beans in our hearty soup.
After a difficult dinner, I decided to try to feed him the rest of his bottle. I awkwardly held the squirmy wormy in my hands, and pleasantly displayed the nipple to tip of his mouth, implying, "here Tyler, please decide if you would like this or not."
"No," my mom yelled. "Shove it in!"
The writer believed this game of shoving was not for him, but that timidness quickly faded.
No eating, but still crying, even after the reliable pick up, walk and a gentle sway. The only possibility left was a dirty diaper.
The cook carried her maternal instinct's toward Ty and checked for evidence.
"Yep, he pooped," she confirmed.
(Though after this night I am convinced if you utter, "he pooped" about a baby you would be right every other time. Nostradamus she is not.)
After a quick cleaning and changing, and many piercing cries and vicious haymakers, we decided to take Ty for a walk.
Once he was placed in his stroller, he stopped crying, and once he was pushed forward, and a cool breeze caressed his face, he was sleeping...like a baby.
After half-way through the walk, and after passing loud kids and curious dogs, Ty woke up and started to fuss.
"Waaaaaaaaa!" He screamed.
Pacifier was the only possible pacifier (hmm, such an appropriate name.)
Shove, not subtlety, and he was again quieted.
Suck, suck, suck, happy, happy, happy, and then he pulled it out of his mouth and continued his onslaught. Shove...suck...pull...cry. Not quite the eat...sleep...poop...sleep we had become accustomed.
Finally, after a final chorus of cries I could only imagine as impassioned as the finale to the Buble concert my sister was attending, we arrived back at his grandparents home.
And after another changing, and more prodding, the cook and the writer called it a night. Back to our home with our bookshelf, our Betty book, and our stocked liquor cabinet.
Which takes the writer to tonight. Sipping scotch, writing about my experiences, just as my therapist recommend. But I am hoping, unlike Mr. Constanza, who conquered his fear of cooking to only be traumatized again, that I will be able to take on Ty, and handle his quirks like the good uncle I am determined to be.

Cuban Black Bean Soup

2 tablespoons olive oil
1 large onion, chopped
3 cloves garlic, finely chopped
1 lb dried black beans, rinsed
4 strips Morningstar bacon, cooked and chopped in small pieces
1/2 cup chopped Lightlife Deli Slices Ham
3 cups low sodium vegetable broth
3 cups water
1/4 cup dark rum
1 1/2 teaspoons ground cumin
1 1/2 teaspoons dried oregano leaves
1 medium green bell pepper, chopped
1 large tomato, chopped
Chopped cilantro to top

1. In a 4 qt Dutch oven, heat oil over medium heat. Cook 1 cup chopped onion and garlic in oil about 4 minutes or until onion is tender.
2. Stir in remaining ingredients except the cilantro; heat to boiling. Boil about 2 minutes; reduce heat. Cover and simmer about 2 hours or until beans are tender.
3. Serve soup topped with cilantro.
8 servings. 193 calories per serving.
*served with whole wheat rolls made in previous Blog

Middle Eastern Pita Pizzas

2 Whole wheat pitas
1/4 cup roasted garlic or regular flavored hummus
1/2 cup crumbled reduced fat Feta cheese
1/2 small onion, sliced
1 cup thinly sliced fresh spinach
2 Roma tomatoes, seeded and chopped
1/8 cup sliced Kalamata olives

1. Heat oven to 400. Bake pitas on opposite side of where toppings will be for 6 minutes.
2. Spread hummus on pita breads. Top with onion, spinach, tomato and olives. Top with cheese.
3. Bake for 8 minutes.
Serves 2

Hey writer...saw your digs about the salad. Lets see what you have to say about this one!

Arugula and Lentil toss
2 heaping hand fulls arugula
1/2 cup cooked lentils (Trader Joes sells precooked)
1 teaspoon lime juice
1 tablespoon olive oil
2 tablespoons shredded sharp white cheddar
salt and pepper to taste
1. Combine all ingredients in a bowl and toss. Divide among two salad bowls.
2 servings.

In preparation for tomorrow night's dinner with the writer's family (stay tuned to find out what the main course is)....

Dinner Rolls
3 1/2 to 3 3/4 cups whole wheat flour
1/4 cup organic cane sugar
1/4 cup Earth Balance butter spread
1 teaspoon salt
1 package regular or quick dry yeast (2 1/4 teaspoons)
1/2 cup very warm water
1/2 cup very warm milk
1 large cage free egg

1. In large bowl, stir 2 cups of the flour, the sugar, 1/4 cup butter, salt and yeast until well mixed. Add warm water, warm milk, and egg. Beat with electric mixer on low speed 1 minute, scraping bowl frequently. Beat on medium speed 1 minute, scraping bowl frequently. Stir in enough remaining flour to make dough easy to handle.
2. Place dough on lightly floured surface. Knead about 5 minutes or until dough is smooth and springy. Spray large bowl using oil pump spray. Place dough in bowl, turning dough to grease all sides. Cover bowl loosely with plastic wrap and lightweight kitchen towel and let rise in warm place about 1 hour or until dough has doubled in size. Dough is ready if indentation remains when touched.
3. Spray oil bottom and sides of 13x9-inch pan.
4. Gently push fist into dough to deflate. Divide dough into 15 equal pieces. Shape each piece into a ball; place in pan. Cover loosely with plastic wrap and let rise in warm place about 30 minutes or until dough has doubled in size.
5. Heat oven to 375. Bake 12 to 15 minutes or until golden brown.

First of all to the cook, who dared the writer to pooh-pooh the salad this week, I must say: Pooh-poo!
It's not as if the salad was not delightful and refreshing, because it was both, it is just so hard to appreciate the appetizer as much as the entree. And when the entree contains such an eclectic combination of flavors, it makes the task nearly impossible.
The hummus gives the pizza a garlic flavor, the tomato's a slightly acidic note, the olives a salty punch, the spinach an earthy undertone, and the onion a crunchy sweetness.
The only way for a salad to ever stand-up to a pizza is to maybe make a salad-pizza, or pizza-salad, or some strategy that combines the mediocrity of salad with the awesomeness of pizza.
In other news: I love Betty. Did you hear that Betty? I love you, you are my light in the dark, you are my sun in the clouds, you are my oversized golf-umbrella in the rain. You brought new motivation and innovation to my cook, and for that I am thankful. But what brings you over the edge, and makes the writer weak in the knees, is something very specific you have taught the cook to bake: fresh bread!
I love Betty because she made the cook I love, love to bake! The cook has made two bread's in the last three days: cinna-bOns(hard o) and dinner rolls.
From scratch, topped with a gooey, sugary syrup and freshly chopped pecans, the cinna-bOns(hard o) were to die for. And the writer almost did after consuming the devilish danish before an early morning workout. I was sweating cinnamon...never have I licked my lips so much as the sweat dripped from my forehead.
And now adding to the mix, dinner rolls, which will be a perfect dip for tomorrow evenings entree. Did I give away too much?
Either way, we will be reporting live tomorrow from the writer's parents house, as we are feeding my lovely elders and helping babysit Tyler while the sister and hubby go on their first post-baby date. To commemorate such a meaningful moment, they have decided to spend the night with Michael Buble, or as the writer's mom would call him, "the talk singer." Mi Madre is convinced that Buble is the classic talk singer, and that his talking does not compare to the singing of his predecessor, Frank Sinatra.
Meanwhile, the hubby is just as strong in his conviction that Buble has surpassed Sinatra. His argument will get no bigger debate than from his dad, who is an old-school retired New York cop with a love for American elegance and a strong Manhattan. Good luck with that one hubby.
The writer will not declare sides on the topic, but will give a mental image of what I perceive to be the big Buble moment.
As the crowd is lost between a ferocious sway and a paralyzed stare, Buble belts his refrain and talks the rest.
He is on stage by himself, only a man and his voice, but is surrounded by light, distorting any detail of his face and body, only posting an indeterminable silhouette of a man's body.
Soon, as the crescendo of his talking builds to a singing tone, and as the hearts of every fan race to a feverish drum, and as their sways turn to a hearty hand raise, the lights lift to expose the irrefutable Buble, and in one motion he claps and spins not once, but twice. The double spin, executed to perfection in the height of his dramatic show.
Man, that could get the hair on anybody's arm to stand up. Even Peter, and he doesn't have any hair.
Well the cook and the writer wish the sister and hubby a good night away from Tyler. What is usually their preoccupation will be our's tomorrow. I have my own tricks up my sleeve little guy!

Huevos Rancheros

2 cups Salsa or purchased Salsa*
1/2 package Trader Joe's Soy Chorizo
4 Maize Tostados
4 cage free eggs
*If you purchase; buy the fresh style from Produce area, the jarred and canned salsas have tons of extra preservatives and unnatural ingredients...I don't think Yellow #5 is a whole food)
1. Make salsa.
2. Place 8-inch skillet on medium heat. Remove Chorizo from casing and place in skillet. Break apart using a spatchula. Add salsa and simmer for 3 minutes.
3. Make 4 indentations in salsa and Chorizo mixture with a spoon. Drop 1 egg in each indentation. Cover skillet with lid and cook 5 minutes or until egg is cooked and the white is no longer runny.
6. Serve immediately with tostados. Top with chopped cilantro, if desired.

Planked Salmon with Peach-Mango Salsa

Peach Mango Salsa
1/4 cup lime juice
1 tablespoon honey
1/4 teaspoon kosher salt
1 mango, pitted and chopped (1 cup)
2 cups chopped peeled peaches
1/4 cup chopped fresh cilantro
1 tablespoon finely chopped green bell pepper

Salmon
2 untreated cedar planks
2 salmon fillets
1/4 cup packed brown sugar

1. In a medium bowl, mix lime juice, honey, and salt; toss with remaining salsa ingredients. Cover and refrigerate for at least 1 hour. Meanwhile, soak the cedar planks in water at least one hour.
2. Heat gas grill. Place salmon, skin side down, on cedar planks. Make diagonal cuts in salmon every 2 inches, without cutting through the skin. Rub brown sugar over salmon (make sure to get sugar into the slits).
3. Place cedar plank with salmon on grill. When cedar plank begins to smoke, cover grill. Cover and grill salmon over medium heat 30 to 35 minutes or until salmon flakes easily with a fork. Serve salmon with salsa.

210 calories each serving.

I did not change anything with this recipe. Kudos to Betty for this one!

Caramel Sticky Rolls
Rolls
31/2 to 4 cups whole wheat flour
1/3 cup organic cane sugar
1 teaspoon salt
2 packages regular or quick active dry yeast (41/2 teaspoons)
1 cup very warm milk
1/4 cup butter or margarine, softened
1 large egg

Caramel Topping
1 cup packed brown sugar
1/2 cup butter or stick margarine, softened
1/4 cup Agave nectar
1 cup pecan halves, if desired

Filling
1/2 cup chopped pecans or raisins, if desired
1/4 cup organic cane sugar or packed brown sugar
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
2 tablespoons butter or stick margarine, softened

1. In large bowl, mix 2 cups of the flour, 1/3 cup organic cane sugar, the salt and yeast. Add warm milk, 1/4 cup butter and egg. Beat with electric mixer on low speed 1 minute, scraping bowl frequently. Stir in remaining flour to make dough easy to handle.
2. Place dough on lightly floured surface. Knead about 5 minutes or until dough is smooth and springy. Grease large bowl with olive oil. Place dough in bowl, turning dough to grease all sides. Cover bowl loosely with plastic wrap and let rise in warm place about 1 hour and 30 minutes or until dough has doubled in size. Dough is ready if indentation remains when touched.
3. In 2 qt saucepan, heat brown sugar and 1/2 cup butter to boiling, stirring constantly; remove from heat. Stir in agave nectar. Pour into ungreased 13x9 inch pan. Sprinkle with pecan halves.
4. In a small bowl, mix all filling ingredients except 2 tablespoons butter; set aside.
5. Gently push fist into dough to deflate. Flatten dough with hands or rolling pin into 15x10 inch rectangle on lightly floured surface. Spread with 2 tablespoons of butter; sprinkle with filling. Roll rectangle up tightly, beginning at 15 inch side. Pinch edge or dough into roll to seal. Stretch and shape until even. Cut roll into 15 1-inch slices with sharp serrated knife. Place slightly apart in pan. Cover loosely with plastic wrap and let rise in warm place about 30 minutes or until dough has doubled in size.
6. Heat oven to 350. Bake 30 to 35 minutes or until golden brown. Let stand 2 to 3 minutes. Place heatproof tray or serving plate upside down onto pan; immediately turn tray and pan over. Let pan remain 1 minute so caramel can drizzle over rolls; remove pan. Serve warm.

The writer got the treat I was looking for. Two Bettys in one day, both delicious.
The cook certainly owed the writer, as our love for adventure and seeking hidden Central Ohio gems took an unfortunate turn.
Last week the writer and the cook went to Johnstown, OH (also known as BFE Ohio) to visit a winery called Otter Creek.
Now we were as skeptical as you, and it did not help driving past corn field after corn field, and cow after pig after horse. But as we ascended up the rocky entrance, and around the rolling vineyards, to the hand built winery with a deck overlooking a serene pond, green forest, a more vineyards tucked beyond the green and the blue, we knew why our parents told us to never judge a book by it's cover. A little slice of Napa in our own backyard.
The cook was determined lightning could in fact strike twice, so on Saturday we headed for Canal Winchester to try a winery called Hidden Creek. This time, our preconceptions weren't invited.
Though the winery was conspicuously close to the highway, the building was nice and there was a picturesque pond in the back of the quarters; could we keep our perfect game intact?
No...
The cook and writer strolled up to the bar doing what any good winery patron will do at first visit, order a wine tasting to determine the favorite grape variation. So that is what we did.
Before being allowed to order the tasting, we first had to hear all the bartenders and kitchen staff's McDonalds order. Double cheeseburgers, fries, more burgers, fries and shakes...not exactly the imagery desired by your palate before sampling fine, intricate wine.
After her order was placed, the bartender let us know the tasting consisted of 16 samples, and asked if we would split or get our own. We decided to split, we could always order more, and hoped that would be the ultimate result.
Next order of business was to get some food to compliment the wine selections. After debating between the all-meat pizza offerings (though she assured us that she would pick off the meat, thus making it vegetarian) or the cheese plate promising artisan cheeses like Gruyere and smoked Gouda, we went with the cheese. And much like with the wine, the next decision was about quantity, small or large cheese plate.
Again we went small. Little did we know it would have been more apropos to name the small a regular, and the large a super size. Thanks McDonalds.
After the successful order, the cook and writer headed outside, and picked a bistro placed in the pleasant sun with a nice view of the pond.
The bartender soon followed with the wine tasting on a trey and cheese plate on a Styrofoam plate. Not good.
The wine was poured in little, plastic shooters, sending the writer back to my childhood, having to conjure up enough courage and fortitude to slam down a Robitussin shot to placate my throat before a sickened sleep. Another poor image.
The cheese was in no better shape. What was said to be delicious, complex cheeses like Gouda and Gruyere, were perfect cubes of Mozzarella and Colby that came straight from a Kraft bag. And adorning the cheese were little chunks of Slim Jim looking beef sticks. The writer wasn't sure if these bite sized cylinders were the butt or the balls of the pig, or cow, or goat, but I didn't want to find out.
Well what was done was done, the order had been placed and the drink and food delivered, so when in Rome, right???
We started with what looked to be a Wendy's frosty pumped with port. Wow. Next were the whites and rose's, which all tasted of grape juice with a splash of corn syrup. The only complexity to these wines were the determination of which flavor of syrup was injected into the juice.
After completion of the wine tasting and the shoving of as much Kraft as we could handle, we decided to cut off the experience. Check please!
The writer went to the bar to pay while the cook scurried to the bathroom to try to wash her hands of what just happened. As I was cashing out, the cook noticed a slushy looking machine spinning the frosty/port concoction like a Margarita in a Jimmy Buffet restaurant. As Jimmy said, "I could go on for hours telling stories...but I guess you had to be there."

Slow Cooker "Turkey Breast" with Wild Rice Stuffing

1 Quorn Turkey Roast
2 cups cooked wild rice
1 apple, chopped
1/4 cup slivered almonds
1/4 cup dried cranberries
1/2 onion, chopped
1 1/2 cup vegetable broth
1 cup water

1. In a large bowl, mix all ingredients except "turkey", broth, and water.
2. Remove plastic covering from "turkey" roast. Place in slow cooker. Place wild rice mixture around and on top of "turkey roast."
3. Pour vegetable broth over top of the wild rice and "turkey."
4. Cover and cook on Low heat for 4 to 5 hours. Add as much water as needed to keep everything moist.*
*Remember when you are not cooking with meat you don't have the fat to keep things moist. Water and vegetable broth/stock are your friends.
Makes 5 servings. 226 calories each.

The writer is not only a cookie monster, but also has an extreme obsession with ice cream! When he has his mind set on ice cream there is absolutely no convincing him otherwise. The whole evening I hear..."wanna run to Graeters," "we could go to the grocery store and pick up a pint of ice cream," or "maybe we could swing through Dairy Queen and get a Blizard. I have some change." Tonight I heard "will you please make me a Sundae?" How could I resist? He only asked me fifteen times!! So, I used the remaining Organic Vanilla frozen yogurt that was in the freezer and the leftover Special Dark chocolate morsels that were left from the cookies to put a huge smile on the writer's face (my true motive was to put an end to the ice cream whines).

Got Him to Quiet Down Sundae
2 scoops organic frozen Vanilla yogurt
1/4 cup Special Dark chocolate morsels
1 tablespoon milk (can use soy milk and the writer doesn't notice...don't tell)
Pistachios, shelled and lightly salted

1. Place chocolate morsels and milk in a small saucepan on LOW heat. Make sure to keep stirring and keep an eye on the chocolate. You want to melt it slowly.
2. Scoop yogurt into a bowl. Pour desired amount of chocolate over top. Top with pistachios.*
*Keeping the stove on low heat also makes it so the chocolate is warm enough, but not too warm that it will melt the yogurt when you pour it on top.

Somehow the cook got access to the writer's responsibility with the blog and wrote slanderous statements about my affinity for ice cream. Seriously, do you think a person that works out 5-6 times per week and takes pride in eating lean and healthy would not only be obsessed with cookies, but with ice cream as well?
Does that make sense....(face getting red and palms starting to sweat)...ok fine, the writer cannot maintain the rouse anymore: I love ice cream!
And I especially love vanilla ice cream or frozen yogurt drenched in a smothering of rich, melted dark chocolate morsels. Mmmmm...And don't blame me for my persistence.
Everyone has a go-to move to get what they want. Beautiful women like the cook bat their long, pretty eyelashes. Crazy people yell and scream and force you to stare deep into their vacant, unblinking eyes, basically daring, "say no to these!." Famous rockers simply show up and say, "who wants it." I am not beautiful, not 'clinically' crazy, and am not a rocker or celebrity, so I go with what I got: being annoying.
Like little kids in a car harmonizing every ten seconds with, "are we there yet," I chose the please, please, please route. And if I have to, promises of opulent riches I will probably never be able to supply if I get my creamy delight.
So, much like a child that has had success with a certain approach to get a toy they could not live without, I know what works, and execute to perfection.
Now, after all this talk of ice cream, it is time for me to find the cook and start to break her down to get my next tasty treat.

Breaded "Pork Chops" and Roasted Rosemary-Onion Potatoes

1/4 cup Bob's Red Mill gluten free biscuit mix
12 Trader Joe's multi grain Savory thins, crushed (1/4 cup)
1/2 teaspoon seasoned salt
1/8 teaspoon pepper
1/4 cup Liquid egg whites
1 tablespoon water
2 Quorn naked Chik'n cutlets (sorry they don't have fake pork chops...yet)
1 tablespoon Saflower oil

1. Defrost cutlets in microwave according to package instructions.
2. In shallow bowl, mix biscuit mix, cracker crumbs, seasoned salt and pepper. In another shallow bowl, mix liquid egg whites and water.
3. Dip cutlets into egg mixture, then coat in biscuit mixture.
4. In a medium skillet, heat oil over medium high heat. Cook cutlets 2 minutes each side or until each side is crispy.
Makes 2 servings. 220 calories each.

Roasted Rosemary-Onion Potatoes
2 potatoes
1/2 onion, chopped
1 tablespoon saflower oil
1 teaspoon dried rosemary leaves
1/8 teaspoon ground thyme
1/8 teaspoon sea salt
1/8 teaspooon pepper
1. Heat oven to 450.
2. Cut potatoes into 1-inch chunks. In large ziploc bag (freezer size), mix remaining ingredients. Add potatoes; toss to coat. Spread potatoes in single layer on baking sheet.
3. Roast 25 minutes, turning occasionally, until potatoes are light brown and tender when pierced with a fork.
Makes 2 servings. 192 calories each.

Halleluja...
The food was good, very good, but it wan't prayer worthy. But what was worthy of a higher-power was the finishing of a project that has been weeks in the making.
Finally, a bookcase is adorning the cook and the writer's upstairs loft.
At first blush, it does not seem to be that exciting or like that much of an accomplishment. But much like landing on the moon, there is more to this story than meets the eye.
Upon closing on our palatial pad, the cook and the writer set on a journey to furnish the great expanse of square footage awaiting our arrival. Like most of America's uppercrest, the cook and writer set off straight for Value City Furniture. One of the items purchased on that fateful eve was a contemporary looking leaning bookself destined to hold the many catelogs of literary classics owned during our learned love.
What resulted, was disaster. The last thing the writer needed after running rampant in our first week of owning the deluxe domicile was to tussel for hours with the bookcase, but that is what I got. And so you understand, as the cook will profess porfusely, the writer is someone that when assembling furniture, and when running into resistence during assembly, will crank and crank, for better or worse, until destruction does it's part. And with that mantra, descruction will definitely rear it's inconvinient head. And this was no exception...
After a lot of sweat and some choice words for the inadement fragments strewn across the loft's floor, the writer made the decison to return the bookshelf, piece by piece, to Value City.
The writer was determined that the furniture was defficient, and negotiated with Value City. They agreed to build the self for me (good luck) and that they would call upon completion. Deal.
The shelf was returned on a Saturday, and what at first blush was promised to be a one day assembly turned in to a four day hiatus. Finally, on Thursday, Value City called to report the bookshelf was ready to be picked up.
Since the cook drives the ozone harassing SUV, she made the treck to pick of the goods. Only problem was, it was not even taken out of the cardboard. They simply gave us a new, unassembled box of crap.
Infuriated, the cook called the writer because she knows who takes care of the dirty, can I speak to your manager, business. Well, at least that is how it works in the writer's mind. In reality, the cook kicks butt like Chuck Norris's character in "Walker Texas Ranger," and the writer files the police reports like his unassuming partner. A decision was made for full refund, hasta la vista, Value City.
A week later, the cook and writer quested to World Market, the home of worldwide ingredients, really cool beers and heavy furniture. After a little browsing, a purchase was made for a new bookshelf from, IMHO, a more reputed business.
It all seemed so final as the writer rushed the shelves and backings and hardware up the stairs. "I will put this together myself, prove to my cook that I could be stranded on a desolate island for one week and build the next hot realestate market, or at least a cool bookshelf."
The directions...check...items A,B,C,D(a)(b)(c)(d)(a1)...check...hardware organized by size and shape...check...tool audit...check. It was all there...but so was my love of forcing the issue. After an hour, some splintered wood, twisted metal, and a blistered thumb, it was time to call papa writer.
So papa responded to the call like an aged Batman. Not quite of prime dexerity, he makes up for looking poor in spandex by being the head-smart, wiley veteran that is still middle-reliever in his mid-forties (or in his case, early fiffties...but who is counting).
With his eagle eye for detail, and steady patience, we quickly tackled all three steps to complete the bookshelf.
Yes, blue-collar builder the writer is not...
But the loft has a new companion, and what was at first thought to be catalog of fine literature turned out to be a calloge of enough books to fill one-and-a-half of a four-shelf bookcase.

Pepperoni Pizza

So, I have to admit that in being vegetarian there are definitely some things I miss. Pepperoni pizza is one of those cravings I get once in a while. There is something about the spice of pepperoni with the grease of the cheese and the crispiness of the crust that takes me back to my college days. Of course, nothing...and I mean nothing will ever be as good as Myles' cheese filled bread sticks dipped in ranch (100% to blame for my frosh 15lbs). Anyway, tonight I filled that craving of mine.

Please see previous pizza blog (last Tuesday since every Tuesday the writer and I have PIZZA night...you have to say it like that too...PIZZA!!). I used the same whole wheat flat bread method.

2 whole wheat flat breads
4 tablespoons pizza sauce (divided between flat breads)
26 Lightlife Smart Deli Pepperoni protein slices (yes, 26, or 13 per serving serving)The writer interject it was not quite Donatos and it's claim to edge-to-edge pepperoni, but it did the job...
1/2 cup shredded natural cheddar
1/2 cup shredded natural mozzarella

1. follow flat bread instructions from previous PIZZA blog
2. Spread pizza sauce on flat breads. Sprinkle flat breads with both cheeses, totaling in 1/2 cup cheese each pizza. Top with pepperoni slices.
3. Bake at 400 for 7 minutes.
Makes 2 servings. 480 calories each.

For this PIZZA night's salad I topped a bed of spinach with fresh orange slices and dried cranberries. YUM!

So as we were eating the aforementioned Pep PIZZAS, the cook alerted me that I never make mention of the salads we eat as a complement to her pizza variations, or discuss them in the the blog. And the writer's reponse is, as it will always be: "tough!"
Pizza night is about the pizza, for one, it is called pizza night. Much like the sold out crowds for a Columbus Clipper's game on "Dime a Dog Night," only like 3.5 people are there for the actual game of baseball, and the rest flood the gates for the promise of as much compressed, processed meat(?)as can be consumed for less than one George Washington.
And much like those that surf to the page "Find George" would attest, it is not about the destination, but the journey, man.
Also, it is pizza. The most basic, tasty form of all the pyramid groups in one composed bite. And if you have ever had the cook's pizza, you would understand the excitement around this night.
The writer informed the cook if we ever opened a cool wine bar in the cultural epicenter of Columbus that is New Albany, we could definetly sell her pizza's for at least $8, or a combo of one Abe Lincoln, two Georgie's, and a Sacagewea to boot. Or, we could collect thirty-two state quarters and sell them to an old lady for a premium and call it a day.
Anyway, the pizza is always good, and the "Pep" was no exception.
The only thing that beats the food was the new addition to the cook and the writer's extended family. Last week we welcomed in a beautiful boy named Tyler, that quickly turned sour due to the writer's compulsion and boderline paranoia. Now we welcome E-Funk and her husband Dr. Jeff's,(aka Geoffrey),first kid: Peter, a Chinese-Crested dog.
Now if reader's of the blog would like to get a description of the little guy, and the writer must give credit to the cook for creating the perfect image, think back to your younger, more innocent days and to a show called "Fraggle Rock." The little critters sing and dance, with hairless bodies compensated by the girth of hair on the tops of their head, head-banging harder than Brett Michael's in his most venereal rock of love conquest.
While Peter is hairless on his body, he does in fact have a Brett Michael's inspired do on the front of his head, and is all party in the back as well. The only thing he is reported to lack is the venereal personality, that is, of course, until the cook got her siren hands on him.
It was reported to the writer that the cook went to meet the new member earlier in the day. Upon arrival, the cook purported that Peter was as timid as had been portrayed by E-Funk. But with a business trip looming, E-Funk wanted to make sure Peter grew familiar with the cook so that he would feel comfortable enough to allow the cook to let him out and relieve himself during the day.
Against Peter's will, E-Funk handed him to the cook. As Peter shook in her arms, the cook started to lose faith that he would ever trust her as he does E-Funk. Just when hope appeared lost, and the cook place Peter on the ground, a 'first' was discovered.
Peter, from now on referred to in this blog as Pete, aka Rico Smooth, exposed his manhood to the cook in a more aggressive manner than Brett Michael's drops trow anytime he hears the song, "Every Rose has it's Thorn."
The writer is very happy for E and J, but will certainly be monitoring the situation closely...

Cheesy Barbecue "Beef" Casserole

3 cups uncooked whole wheat penne

1 onion, chopped

1 bag Morningstar Grillers Crumbles

1 cup Trader Joe's All Natural BBQ sauce

1/4 cup chopped fresh parsley

2 cups Natural Triple Cheddar cheese (shredded)



1. Heat oven to 350. Spray 2-quart casserole dish using oil Spray pump

2. Cook and drain pasta according to instructions.

3. In a skillet, cook onion on medium heat for 4 minutes. Add crumbles and cook until crumbles have thawed.

4. Mix drained pasta, beef mixture, parsley, BBQ, and 1 1/2 cup of the cheese in casserole dish. Sprinkle with remaining 1/2 cup of cheese.

5. Bake uncovered 30 to 40 minutes or until hot in the middle.

Makes 6 servings. 435 calories each.

The cook and the writer recently moved into a home, as has been mentioned in previous blogs, that overlooks the great expanse of the Eastern suburbs of Columbus, OH. Since the move, and decision to embark on this quest to distill Betty's unrefined recipe book, the cook has become refocused on re-energized in her culinary engineering. Buoyed by a bigger kitchen, a reinvigorating challenge, and the ability to enjoy good food in tandem with the pleasant summer sunset from our new private patio, the cook has delved deep into her playbook. And the results have been fantastic! The writer wanted to thank the cook for her hard and dedicated work, and for her liberal usage of fresh herbs atop a hearty pasta meal. For this course, the generous use of parsley added a brightness to the carb-heavy dish, projecting a colorful accent that would make the neighborhood's most accomplished green-thumb pine. The meat crumbles and fresh onions created the texture of a loosely made sloppy joe, and the palate was further conflicted with the taste of barbecue sauce instead of the more traditionally used spaghetti sauce. The bbq added sweetness in the wake of heartiness, and replaced the acidity of tomato sauce with the tang of apple cider vinegar. Despite it's complication and assault on the framework of the writer's culinary common sense, the sum was greater than it's means, and a bite with all the components was delicious and comforting. The only thing to propel a dish like this from a food experience to a life-long memory is sharing the moment with a love-struck writer and his cook, under the watch of a dusk-stricken sky.

Stuffed Banana Peppers*

*a non Betty recipe (one of the cook's originals)

1 bag Boca Meatless Ground Crumbles

4 Banana peppers, tops and seeds removed, cut in half lengthwise

1/2 onion, chopped

3/4 cup shredded natural cheddar cheese

1 tablespoon Safflower oil

Salt and pepper to taste

Enchilada sauce (remember to check ingredients!)

1. Preheat oven to 350.

2. Mix meatless crumbles, onion, cheese, oil, and salt and pepper.

3. Lay peppers on a baking sheet and fill with meatless mixture.

4. Bake for 15 minutes. Top with enchilada sauce and serve.

Serves 2. 411 calories each.



I always serve this dish with the following...

1 can Pinto beans

1 teaspoon smoked Spanish paprika

1. Empty can of beans in saucepan on high heat.

2. Add paprika and stir.

3. Cook at high heat for 3 minutes, then reduce to simmer until the banana peppers are ready.

Serves 2. 135 calories each.



I also baked the writer, aka cookie monster, cookies yesterday.



Chocolate Chip cookies with fiber (don't get turned off by that...haha)

2 1/2 cups whole wheat flour

1 teaspoon baking soda

1/4 teaspoon salt

3/4 cup softened organic butter

3/4 cup natural cane sugar

3/4 cup firmly packed organic brown sugar

2 eggs

1 teaspoon vanilla

1/4 cup hot water

1/2 cup organic Smart Bran

1 cup special dark chocolate morsels



1. Stir together flour, soda, and salt. Set aside.

2. In large mixing bowl, beat together butter and sugars until light and fluffy. Add eggs and vanilla. Beat well. Mix in hot water. Add Smart Bran cereal, flour mixture, and chocolate morsels, mixing until combined. Drop by teaspoon onto non-stick baking sheets.

3. Bake at 375 for about 12 minutes or until golden brown. Remove and cool on wire racks.



The writer must start with declaring my affinity for cookies. In the last post, the writer described the journey of a lifelong love of the cookie, and lifelong fear of things stuffed in the middle a perfectly delicious cookie, rendering it a 'mystery cookie.' Much like the writer's childhood preference of Blueberry Airheads instead of the Mystery Airhead (though there might have been a prize for the palate capable of determining the mystery flavor combos), the writer also has major bias toward an ordinary cookie over an artisan, unique cookie. Keep it simple...
Upon initial glance and first bite of the cook's cookies, everything was right with the world. The cook made a very aesthetically pleasing cookie, that smelled delicious while being freshly removed from the oven. The cook threw a minor change-up, using Dark Chocolate instead of the recipe's request for Milk Chocolate chips, but as the cookie melted in the writer's mouth, it was clear the deviation was a good decision. The Dark Chocolate gave the cookie a slightly bitter taste, which worked perfect with the super sugary sugar cane she also used.
Clearly a bitter sweet bite, but after a while, the cookie experience matched the cookie's flavor: bitter sweet.
As the cook and the writer were trying to distract the attention away from the fresh baked goods with a paint job that has been on the 'to do' board for some time, something started to become awry in the writer's stomach. And as the writer walked to the kitchen for another cookie conquest, I left behind me a trail of gaseous vapor. Hmmmm...what did the writer eat today that could have yielded such a violent result...
The writer immediately turned attention to the cook, who was sheepishly painting away in the corner.
"Did you hear that," the writer exclaimed.
No comment from the cook, who knew the question was rhetorical, and what question was soon to follow without an await for a response.
"What was in the cookie?"
The cook spilled her hidden ingredient, fiber cereal, that was stuffed in the underbelly of this perfectly concocted confection. The cook let the writer know that there was concern over the writer's digestive disbursement, which lead to the cook's idea to mince a mystery in the cookie.
Despite that information, the writer went on to eat an amount that is easier to write in numerals. Anything that the writer might be in for is well worth the experience of eating these bite-sized delights.
Later in the day, and after the painting was complete, the cook went for another non-Betty recipe. Stuffed peppers with minced meat has been a meal the cook has perfected over the last year. The peppers act as a tender conduit for the combination of beef crumbles, cheese and onion, and when mixed with the beans, gives a bite that is moist, gooey, sweet and salty.
It was a nice way to stuff our stomach's before our next visit with Tyler, aka, home wrecker.
The little guy was really in rare form last night. The writer made sure after dinner to put on my new jeans, a nice fitting shirt, do my hair just right, and wear the shoes that the cook bought for my birthday. What an easy way to score a few points with the cook before Tyler even had a chance to post an initial impression.
Of course upon arrival to the writer's parents pad, Ty crushed my impression by doing what he does best: being adorable. Laying in the middle of the room, sleeping like a baby, punching his arms in the air as if he was dreaming of backpacking through Australia, fighting off Kangaroo's and saving the cook from an Aborigine tribe looking for a fresh sacrifice.
After his imagined rescue, Ty awoke a little fussy...a chink in the armor perhaps? Of course not...he used his innocent tears and half-throated cry to attract the attention of the cook, who darted for the baby like she was actually being chased by the Aborigines. I was starting to think that maybe this wasn't a figment of the baby's imagination after all...
As the cook was holding Ty, the writer hovered, wanting to get a closer to hear the conversation between the two. No conversation, but as the writer looked down into Tyler's eyes, falling into his beautiful trance, the craziest thing happened, he smiled at me and almost started laughing.
At first the writer found it to be the cutest and most meaningful moment of my life, but it got me thinking. Was he smiling because he knows the writer is his fun-loving uncle that will teach him all the ropes as he progresses through life, or did he smile and laugh as a mocking gesture?
"Hahaha, I am going to take the cook and there is nothing you can do about it!!!"
The writer needed to have a conversation with Tyler, so I whisked him into my arms.
"Why did you smile," I asked
"Were you laughing at me, or with me, and what is your next move going to be with the cook," I was in full interrogation mode. Not even the hardest terrorist could resist my steely glare.
"WAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH," he bellowed.
Soon after, the writer's father took hold of Tyler, and after a couple of gentle laps around the blueprint of the downstairs, he was again settled into a deep sleep.
At the end of the night there were only three certainties: the cook successfully made two delicious recipes in the same day, Tyler is the most formidable opponent I could ever face for the love of my cook, and the writer will go home and eat more cookies, hoping to have plenty of toilet paper handy.

Picadillo Chick'n Paella

1 cup uncooked brown long grain rice
1/2 Lb Trader Joe's Soy Chorizo
1/4 cup raisins
1 can (14.5 oz) stewed tomatoes
14 oz low sodium vegetable stock
1/2 teaspoon ground turmeric
4 Quorn naked Chik'n cutlets
1/4 teaspoon seasoned salt
1/4 teaspoon paprika
1 cup frozen green peas

1. Heat open to 375.
2. In glass baking dish, mix uncooked rice, soy chorizo, raisins, tomatoes, stock and turmeric. Arrange cutlets on top; press into rice mixture. Sprinkle cutlets with seasoned salt and paprika.
3. Cover and bake for 30 minutes. Uncover, stir, and bake 20 minutes longer or until all the liquid is absorbed. Stir in peas. Baked uncovered for 5 minutes.
Makes 4 servings. 487 Calories each.

Let the writer start with something that has bothered me for my entire life, and shakes me to the core of my very existence: Mystery ingredients in the middle of food that cannot be seen by the naked eye upon casual observation.
In this recipe enter: Golden Raisins.
And from the writer's childhood(pause to gather intestinal fortitude) : Nuts! In cakes, in brownies, in pies, and at it's most heinous, the otherwise beautiful, perfectly constructed ooey, gooey chocolate chip cookie.
The writer gets the shakes thinking of the pillage of such prestene pastry.
Despite the writer's deep seeded fear, I fought through the lack of clarity and finished every bite of the dish. And as has become accustomed, the writer's dismay was to the cook's delight, as she cracked a smile while watching me suffer. But to a greater degree, fell even more in love with the writer as she saw me perserve against my most senior enemy (though Tyler is catching up).
In all, this Betty gone Vege was actually tasty. The chorizo created a pretty hearty meat sauce, and the rice was cooked to a nice al dente crunch. It made the writer feel satisfied, but did not stop from the consumption of mass quantities of popcorn a few hours later. What the cook makes, the writer eats, and for what the writer eats, the writer comments. See...clarity. Is it so hard to know what to expect and have it delivered in the same bite?
The cook and the writer are taking tomorrow off...did not want you to wait by your computer all night drooling, waiting for a post - Pavlov's Theory of Blogorophy. Friday night is date night. The writer must get romantic by taking the cook on an adventure to soak up the sun in the rolling vineyards of, Johnstown, OH (Who Knew)??? And after to try a local Thai restaurant for the first time. Oh the life of the New American, much as the life of the first Americans, a trail blazing spirit, and plenty of frontier to be trailblazed.

Honey-Mustard Chicken

2 Quorn Naked Chik'n Cutlets
1/3 cup organic Dijon mustard
3 tablespoons organic honey
1/2 teaspoon finely ground pepper

1. Preheat oven to 375. Defrost Chik'n cutlets according to package instructions in microwave.
2. In an ungreased Pyrex combine mustard, honey, and pepper, stir. Place cutlets in the dish and make sure they are coated well with the mustard mixture.
3. Bake for 15 minutes.
Makes 2 servings. 160 Calories per serving.

I served this dish with two of my own side dish creations (sorry Bettyheads).

Seasoned sweet potato fries
1 package of pre cut sweet potato spears (Trader Joe's fridge produce section)
1 tablespoon safflower oil
1/2 teaspoon cumin
1/2 teaspoon smoked Spanish paprika
1/4 teaspoon sea salt
1. Combine all ingredients in a bowl and make sure the sweet potato spears are evenly coated. A few gentle bowl tosses and you're good to go.
2. Spread evenly on a baking sheet.
3. Bake for 20 minutes.
Makes 2 servings. 180 calories each.

Funky brussels sprouts
2 cups brussels sprouts, cut in half
1 tablespoon safflower oil
10 pecan pieces, coarsely chopped
1 Stevia packet
salt and pepper to taste
1. Heat oil in skillet over high heat. Add brussels sprouts and cook on high heat for 2 minutes to get a crisp on the outside.
2. Turn heat to medium and cook the brussels for about 8 minutes or until tender.
3. Add pecans and Stevia packet.
*You can substitute Agave nectar instead of Stevia for a more caramelized brussels.
*In dishes like this and in salads I try to add nuts because nuts are a good addition to the vegetarian diet (in moderation, of course).
Serves 2. 161 calories per serving. (will be higher if Agave is used)

Brussels, what can the writer convey about brussels.
In movies and in shows over the course of time, there is one item that always plays the role of the evil vegetable...brussels. And what is the vege that the writer thinks might have been the tipping point in the sub prime mortgage meltdown of 2007...clearly a collection of bank, investment, and government CEO's full of brussels...and something else(maybe the Bell's Oberon the writer paired with dinner).
As soon as the cook enthusiastically finished the last brussels on the writer's plate, she bellowed a loud brussels belch...a close decedent of the brussels sprout.
All the writer can say is, "more pecans please!"
And also more 'chick'n' please. The marinade was very satisfying, and surprisingly, for being known more as an in-your-face, hearty, rib-sticking culinarian, Betty did a pretty good job balancing an ingredient as aggressive as mustard. There was tang and sweet, but could have used just a little more heat.
Finally, the writer must commend the cook on the idea of combining sweet potato fries and smoked paprika, every sense was dazzled. It also supplies the writer and the cook enough of a carb load for an early morning workout.
Now the cook and the writer are celebrating another successful campaign on our comfy couch. Just in the short time we have been doing this blog, I am beginning to realize that almost every night is a celebration. A celebration of food, of family, of friends, and of a couple's noble quest.

Easy Mushroom Pizza Pie

This Betty recipe calls for the use of Bisquick Mix to make the pizza dough. I opted for an easier and healthier.

1 pkg shitake mushrooms, sliced in strips
1 onion, coarsely chopped
1 green bell pepper, sliced in strips
1/2 tablespoon safflower oil
1/2 teaspoon pepper
2 whole wheat flat breads*
1/2 cup pizza sauce*
shredded natural cheddar cheese
Parmesan cheese
*For both of these starred items make sure to read the label!!! High fructose corn syrup has the power to sneak its' evil way into several ingredients. I highly recommend researching high fructose corn syrup. Yes, it preserves food, but it is not your friend.
*I recommend freezing the remaining flat breads that you do not use to save money. When you are ready to use again, simply use defrost option on microwave for about 2 minutes.
*I mention using a spray bottle to lightly mist the flat breads. These bottles can be purchased at any cooking store. The manual pump is more Eco-friendly than aerosol.

1. Heat oven to 400. Use pump spray to mist flat breads. Bake for 6 minutes on the opposite side of where toppings will be. This will ensure a crispy crust and a happy tummy!
2. Preheat grill to medium heat. Combine all the veg in a bowl with pepper and safflower oil. Spread evenly on a grill pan making sure that each veg gets an equal opportunity for heat. Grill for about 4 minutes total, stirring halfway through.
3. Spread pizza sauce on the flat breads. Spread enough mozzarella and Parmesan on the flat breads to cover them, but remember moderation is key. Top with the grilled veg.
4. Bake pizzas for 7 minutes at 400 or until cheese is melted. Slice pizzas into quarters with pizza cutter.
Makes 2 pizzas. Each 445 Calories.

We make pizzas every Tuesday night and with the pizzas I also serve a salad. This can be a good way to clean out the pantry and produce drawer! Tonight we had spinach topped with sliced apples and pistachios. The writer always opts for Organic Honey Mustard salad dressing and I use whatever vinegar and spice combination I'm in the mood for. Tonight I had my typical desire for red wine vinegar and cumin.

Pizza night...
What can the writer say about Tuesday nights at our palatial estate on the hills on New Albany Plains...
I love it...I love it every week...and I think the cook is starting to get suspicious because every week I refer to the freshly prepared pizza as a "Top 10."
I now have at least 20 Top 10's, and a cook that is starting to question every qualification that comes out of my mouth...or on to our blog!
Before I talk Betty, and the validity of grilled vegetables on pizza, I must first present an update on the writer's sister, husband, and the beautiful thing that came from a place that should not be able to squeeze out something so big...
The sister and husband used our presence to calm down and grab some much needed grub, and Tyler, beginning what the writer believes will be a life long offensive to steal the cook, fell peacefully asleep in her arms, creating tears of adoration and joy from the cook. Meanwhile, knowing an exchange had occured from his new love interests arm's to those of his enemy Uncle, Tyler began to fuss, and from what I could observe, fart! I am watching you little guy...
Back to the matter at hand...Betty's vege pizza! The cook really is going out of her way to avoid Betty's aggressive atempts at turning every recipe into a Bisquick-base, and used delicious wheat flat breads that create a perfect thin and crispy crust. And the writer has now determined he will never again eat pizza unless freshly grilled vegetables are on it's top! The vege has a char-flavor and a sweetness caused by a subtle carmelization at the hands of the 400 degree fire. A match of flame and flambe that makes the senses tingle.
Well the cook and writer are off to celebrate another victory for the cook's sister, E-funk. Not even the recessed economy can keep a great pharma down!

Impossibly Easy Breakfast Bake

1 package Lightlife Gimme Lean Ground Sausage Style (14 oz)*
1 medium bell pepper, chopped (1 cup)
1 medium onion, chopped (1/2 cup)
1 tablespoon safflower oil
3 cups frozen hash brown potatoes
1 cup natural shredded cheddar cheese
1/2 cup Gluten free Biscuit Mix Bob's Red Mill brand*
1 cup 1%milk (could use Soy milk if you are vegan, but I find when cooking it can taste funky)
1/4 teaspoon pepper
3/4 cup egg whites or egg whites of 3 eggs
*Lightlife is a wonderful brand of meatless products. I have tried most brands out there and trust me some are some that are way better than others.
*I do not follow a gluten free diet, but Betty is known for her Bisquick cookbook and I was looking for a substitute that is made out of more "whole ingredients." The number one ingredient in this mix is stone ground white rice vs. bleached flour.

1. Heat oven to 400. This is the step where they usually tell you to spray a Pyrex with cooking spray. I avoid this step if I can and in this case I avoided it. The writer may be mad at me as he does the dishes!
2. Place safflower oil in a skillet, cook the sausage, bell pepper, and onion over medium, stirring occasionally, until the onion is translucent. This veg sausage can be feisty and hard to break up. Be patient. Once the protein has been over medium heat for a few minutes it becomes easier to manipulate. Mix "sausage" mixture, potatoes, and 3/4 of the cheese in baking dish.
*One of the benefits of cooking with faux meat is you never have to drain the fat. On the contrary, it is important to use the oil in this step to prevent the mixture from sticking to the pan because there is a lack of fat.
3. In a bowl, stir biscuit mix, milk, pepper, and egg whites with a whisk. Pour into the baking dish.
4. Bake uncovered for 40 minutes or until knife in the center comes out clean. Sprinkle with remaining 1/4 cup of cheese. Bake 1 to 2 minutes longer or until cheese is melted. Let it cool for 5 minutes (the writer never lets food cool and ALWAYS burns his mouth...one day he will learn...maybe).

Makes 6 servings. 215 calories each.

The writer did not learn...I don't know how effective I can be as a critic today because of my compromised palate! The writer is a great displacer of blame, and this instance will be put squarely on the shoulders of baby Tyler. The writer's sister and her husband just returned home from the hospital with the little guy for the first time, and texted us with feverish fury.
It turns out it is not so easy to feed Tyler without the help of an on-call nurse, and they are in a state of "deer in the headlight," "why did we try to hard to have a baby," and, "what the hell are we doing" madness.
So I will be brief...I think the cook smirked when she read that part...
The cook really changed Betty's recipe in many ways, but did not change the essence of the dish: down home, country cooking. It is quite a departure from our usual fare, but for a guy that still enjoys a marinate of meat sweats when the cook is out of town, it was a pleasant rib-sticking experience.
And for those who scoff at the many tofu variations available in local groceries stores today, do so at your own risk. The "sausage" used in this recipe smells like sausage, looks like sausage, feels like sausage, and kind-of tastes like sausage! With a lot less calories, saturated fat, preservatives, and ability to suck the ever loving life out of any fraction of energy a Betty-head might have left.
I would be willing to bet this recipe will be satisfying and trick even the most carnivorous creature in America. And soon enough, you just might have a "New American" in your homestead.
Now the cook and writer must jet, hand in hand, to pick up Betty food for the sister, and her husband, and their little bundle of anxiety.

Day 1 Asian Tuna with Wasabi Aioli

Tuna
2 tuna steaks (1 Lb. total- the Writer with the bigger portion of course)
1/3 cup Safflower oil*
1/4 cup low sodium soy sauce*
2 tablespoons packed brown sugar (organic from Whole Foods)
2 tablespoons sesame oil
2 teaspoons grated ginger root
2 cloves garlic, finely chopped
Wasabi Aoili
1/4 cup Veganaise
1 heaping teaspoon wasabi powder (the Writer likes a strong wasabi punch)
1. Place all Tuna ingredients in a large food storage bag. Add tuna and coat with the marinade. Seal and refrigerate for at least 2 hours, but no longer than 4.
2. Combine Aoili ingredients and set aside.
3. Turn grill to medium setting. Grill tuna steaks for 3-4 minutes per side. Garnish with sesame seeds.
*Because safflower oil is high in oleic acid it gets less damaged by heat. Heat can damage the fatty acids in oils and change them into harmful substances. Oils that are higher in saturated fats are the most stable when heated. Still remember that oil should always be used in moderation!
*The brand of soy sauce can make a huge difference in taste. The more authentic the brand, the better the flavor!

We served this on our patio with grilled organic baby broccoli, a Rogue Dead Guy Ale for the writer, and a pesky fly...shoo fly!

Wow...what a day! This one goes to the siblings, notably our noble sisters. The cook and the writer started off in the early morning cheering the heroic efforts of the cook's sister as she completed her first sprint triathlon...congrats E-Funk! It continued with the celebration of the writer's first nephew, Tyler, a beautiful baby boy that could bring tears to the most stoic Grenadier Guard(think British, red coat, funny hat). Congratulations Jen and Rich, and I agree that though there is social pressure to say every baby is cute, your baby is actually very cute.
What better way to end a day of such glorious achievement, than to consume the most meaty fish that will be discussed in this blog...Ahi Tuna. (Please don't tell the cook I used 'meaty' to describe a protein used in her dish). And what better way to enjoy such profound pescado than with a lather of salty soy, nutty sesame and spicy wasabi, with a light sear on a grill over high heat.
A preceding sentence with so many s's and such contradiction deserves only one description: delicious.
The dish is made with a fish that can replace many of the calories consumed from watching other people swim, bike and run, and give birth to a 6' 12" baby. The marinade also dazzles the taste buds in all the classic senses: sweet, spicy, salty, and did I catch a slice of umami?
With this recipe, you can tell Betty is trying to reach a new "Melting Pot American," but is still short-sited to some of the subtle ways to clean up a recipe for the "New American."
Well, I guess I should sip the last finger of this Woodford Reserve as I enjoy the final crumbs of tuna I cleverly placed in gaps of my teeth as a late evening snack. Truly a sign of a successful first meal in our quest.
Time to download all the memories shared today with our favorite people, and get some sleep, as the alarm bell is always around the corner for the "New American!"

One women's hands, one man's words, a couple's quest to modernize a classic

Betty Crocker, although not a "real" woman has been a "real" staple in American households. While she was created in 1921 as an icon to sell more General Mills products, she became an ideal for the All-American stay-at home mom. Just as much as the ideal of the All-American woman has changed starting with Rosie the Riveter flexing her capable muscles during WWII, American's hunger for a cleaner bill of health and food has evolved almost as much. And just as fast as the Industrial Revolution spawned a new superpower with an economy built on efficiency and mass production, we are slowly going forward with a look back at how food used to be produced without a second thought: local and organic.
I guess you could say some of the idea of this blog was generated in a late night, wine induced viewing of "Julia and Julia," but the mission is a little different. Two people; one couple; a woman with a lust for cooking clean food, and a man with a lust for his woman and a couple of words about it, and an intent to modernize a classic with our view of the "New All-American."
Please know, most of these recipes will be vegetarian, and most meat will be replaced with tofu variations, but fish will remain intact.